So my body has changed...yesss.
In many ways I feel like I have just unravelled out of a box post baby!
My whole body completely gravitated towards my baby girl, shoulders, back, head for her first year.
In my attempt to 'straighten up' again I realised some things.
I recently had a little break in Spain for a few days just to balance out a little after what felt like a year of being pulled through a life hedge backwards getting your ass whipped constantly yet smiling the whole time, something so conflicting that it is bewildering on so many levels !!
I slept in the bedroom I had as a kid and this is the window through which I starred many a moony night having thoughts and catching up with my self. It felt nice to re-visit but things have most certainly shifted, Don't get me wrong, it was insane to experience the appreciation and gratitude for a moment to just be but it was not a moment of 'just being me' if you catch my drift?
I discovered that there is no longer a place to get back to before her at all and so no need to panick! It seems idiotic but a process one must go through nonetheless.
And so, that is also how I feel in my body.
It's all very fulfilling actually and quite frankly a huge relief to not have to juggle this sort of double mindset I had envisaged neccessary in order to be able to function...it all meshes in together nicely if you just let it and once that hits home ( I am slowww!!) well then it s the eureka moment! Along with the rather overindulgent realisation that us women we freaking RULE!!!! ;-/
She once lay at my core and now my core is forever changed, it is rebuilding in strength but remains forever touched by her little soul...just as it should be ...just as I want to be.